Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
