And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
