i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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