My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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