Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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