I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
