i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
