with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
