I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
