you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
