she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
