Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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