I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
