she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
