ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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