I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
