she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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