My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
