My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
this hospital has no fireball
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
