One girl and one boy is just not enough.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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