im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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