Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
