This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
