the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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