I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
