I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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