i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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