This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
