I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
