You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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