Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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