Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
