Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I deserve this hangover.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
