Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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