I'm really into asian looking animals
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
