I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
