just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
