I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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