Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
