YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
