I'm so fucking centered right now
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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