If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
