she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
