ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
