I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
