just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
