I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
this just has baby written all over it
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
