i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
