I must be too annoying 4 u.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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