Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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