i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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