Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
