i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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