Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
