Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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