You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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